a while ago, I sent the following email about Eid Mubarak to many friends...
Assalam-aleikum,
May Allah accept all your efforts, fasts, prayers, duas and charity made in the blessed month of ramadan.... Eid Mubarak... :)
Regards,
Ahmar
And then I realised that I have also sent this email to my supervisor :(...Now first of all, my supervisor is veryyyy senior, he is the director of my institute actually, he meets with appointments only and he is a Christian....so when he reads this, I wonder what would he think :$.....anyway, it can't be undone now....it really amazes me how we sometimes end up doing so stupid things.....
On a different note, today marks the beginning of my 3rd year in Oxford and also in UK :) And the ramadan month that is just over, well it was the first ramadan in 3 years that I had the peace of mind of spending it in one place......I think that is much better than having to split the time between here and back home...
Its been soo long that I think I should start with some updates....(although I am not sure if I am going to sustain this blogging given that I don't always find the motivation.....I feel like I don't have any interested readers....khair :P..)..
So ya, lets start with the blessed month that is just over.....I am really going to miss this time..The whole atmosphere, the routine, the people, the feeling, it was all just amazing.....(by my standards which are veryyyyyyyy low)....And for me, it was more meaningful, this whole time because I was not on vacations and had instead, alot of phd work at hand to do...In fact, I had a major deadline during this month (for my transfer report which I will talk about separately in a future post IA')... The reason I am happy that I had work to do in ramadan and alot of it (really really alot in little time) is because if I was able to manage it along with ramadan, then it would mean its something feasible in the rest of the months too...And one of the lessons I want to share about this month is the simple concept of the purpose of ramadan....It should help us to get disciplined, change (a sustainable one) for the better, make more use of our time....and if I was on vacations, then it would have been difficult for me to later practice having to manage multiple things...Alhamdulliah , the sequence of events that unfolded in my work related stuff ensured that I stay on my feet in ramadan ......And there have been lapses, but overall, I have a good feeling about this month......(I need to reiterate that I am comparing this time with my past ramadan years, so its all about my low standards).....Some of the highlights of this month for me which I would like to mention are: I had all my iftaris with people , none on my own....(unlike having to eat alone at times during the ordinary days).....The places that I have been, it was always about deciding where to go....I mostly ended up going to this one place which was a gathering organized by people who were arabs ...All the announcements would be in arabic .(that environment actually further strengthened my resolve to learn arabic....insha'Allah I will.....I have the resources, the friends, I really have no reason not to...) I had friends in taraweeh who understood what was recited, this environment is something I never ever got back home...and that is such a push to further make a firm resolve to learn the language because every time I stood, I would so strongly feel the extent that I am missing ....its just tooo much....
I met many new people, people whom you meet while you get to talk during the iftari times....And the best thing about this environment was the feeling of brotherhood and the reinforcement that islam transcends every creed, every culture and every language...that feeling gets sooo strong when you sit in an environment where the only thing that binds us is our religion, when we eat, we share, if somebody would come late, people would offer from their plate....I think this is one gathering where you do not even remotely make distinction based on culture, creed, color, language...And when you go to such environment so often, it just so strongly reinforces the simple concept that every human being , regardless of their language, color, creed, ancestors, is just equal....(a value taught by our religon and a value that you see and experience in these gatherings...).....On one particular day, I remember I was sitting with 5 people on the same table and we all introduced ourselves...It turned out, 2 guys were from Jordan, one was from Sudan, one was from Iran, one was from Saudi Arabia and I of course, from Pakistan....
Another aspect I want to highlight is the friends you end up making....There had been many people I would see every now and then in the mosque but would never interact with...but the iftaris gave me an opportunity to make some new friends..Friends, who sound so well off that its very inspiring too :)....One person I met was a german who was a convert (like 6 years ago), had done his phd back home and was working as a post doc...When I got to know him further, it turned out he could speak arabic too as he had learnt it (**ashamed**)...Another guy I met was well somebody I used to see often in the mosque but we din't knew each other so never talked...now that I met and interacted with him, I came to know that he had finished his phd from cambridge and was working as a post doc....quite well off masha'Allah.... umm.......apart from that, I have been listening to some nasheeds in this month....and I will share this one in particular.... The lyrics are all lovely but I will just pick the four lines that I enjoyed listening to :)...
And though the world sometimes feels cold and hard
And you may feel like you are wandering alone Do not fear, do not grieve, in Allah place your belief In his remembrance your heart will find its peace
I wish I could write more :P...perhaps later....:$ For now, all I can say is that I have alot of work to do on my transfer report :(....and I will try my best to spend this blessed month well insha'Allah and make up for my pathetic lifestyle it has been for quite a long time now!!!!!
Disclaimer: This post might not make sense to the majority so just ignore :P....
"So everything has always been positive throughout"..This is something my father told me over the phone towards the end of a 1 hour and 2 minutes call that I had with him today...We discussed , I explained what I had in my mind about the car issue in the past and things were explained to me, alot of misunderstanding removed, various things elaborated and many references given to the past. And I was actually convinced that its been all positive, and there is nothing to be bothered about.. I also want to thank my two friends, Sonic and Perkha who listened and gave advices, thanks alot :):)
I don't like pictureless posts so looked through in my album and so I am posting the picture of the london eye I took a few months back when a friend of mine had come over for a visit.(I know it doesn't make sense but that should be ok :P)
The other day I was standing in argos in the que when I saw this pack of 5 little cars for one pound. I went straight to it and looked through the large pile picking one pack to my liking and immediately bought it. The memory of fantacizing having a 100 Rs note (when I was a little kid) so that I can go to a shop and get this big pack of dinkies having 10 cars inside was so fresh in my head once my sight caught these packs that I din't have any second thoughts about buying it. Wayyy back, I remember mostly ending up getting a single car for 10 Rs.. That day, I was actually wondering as to why did we use to call it dinkies. It turns out that dinky is a word used to describe a "small locomotive, esp. with a switch engine." I had no idea :D.. Anyway, yesterday I did not go to the department reason being having slept quite late a night before. Furthermore, I had a cricket match later in the day and therefore, I decided to work in my room...And whenever I stay in my room, unless there is a deadline, the probability of wasting time are almost one :S...and yesterday was no exception..I looked around in my room and thought that I need to clean my room, desk etc. before I study...(this is what we always do when we think we have to work :S)... So I did that and also spared one of the small tables for my alarm clocks and the dinkies and decided that unlike the past, this table will only have "decorative" kinda stuff :P which means no books..The picture below shows my study table with books and laptop and also the other small table with the dinkies on them :D...
Later in the day, I had a cricket match which we lost. Not only that but I managed to make just a single run :(...I usually do not bowl but yesterday, our captain asked me to bowl and so I bowled a couple of overs. I had mostly been batting in matches uptil now. I got a single wicket too when this one guy was clean bowled while he was trying to hit me over my head..After the match, our captain told me that I am more of a bowler than a batsman to which I commented that I personally prefer batting..(and I KNOW my batting is way better than my bowling)..What I did not tell him was that when I tried to drive the ball, my left index finger still hurt to the extent that my shot was not timed well and it was a straight catch in the covers :(...(my only reason of not mentioning anything about my finger was that it would make him feel as if I am making excuses so kept quiet )...
I hate it when I am unable to gather enough will power to discipline myself...
I hate it when people show contempt to anybody just because of stereotyping..
I hate it when people mock you when you share your point of view..
I hate it when people filter examples and talk about "selective" ones to support their point of view..
I hate it when I am unable to be patient during batting and get out soon just because I wasn't careful enough....
I hate it when I can't bat properly just because I have an injured finger :(
I would surely hate alot more things in life but above are just six that I could come up with... On a completely different note, I made chutni of tomatoes and chilli and salt in a juicer a while ago...:)
"Its more expensive than games like table tennis/tennis/football and on top, its more dangerous too. I will seriously have to think if I am going to play it further here. The ball is just sooooo heavy and on top, there is usually the enormous pace on it too when you are playing". These were my comments after my very first match of cricket where I scored only 6 runs and was hit twice on the same foot to the point that I couldn't walk with a normal posture for a couple of days. First, I was hit on my right foot while practicing batting just before going out for bat in the middle. Subsequently, during fielding, I stopped an extremely fast coming ball that was sure to go for four but I stopped it using my right leg and was hit in the shin area at the short mid on position. The reason I used my leg instead of hands was the cold that made me not want to use hands. Little did I realize that it was not a tennis ball (something I have been used to in cricket before). There was swelling for a few days there. I even had to go to the GP just to ensure that I don't have a fracture, thankfully I din't :D.. Anyway, watching cricket had been more fun later to the point that I bought my own kit, shoes with spikes etc. and vowed to continue playing and not be put off with such things. I got a chance to play a few games after that and it had been a reasonably good going until yesterday with no injuries... As for yesterday, it was a 40 overs game and we batted first. I went in to bat at number 6 this time and was bowled on my third ball and my first zero this season :(. It really sucked then for I could have played more defensively. The interesting bit in that over was a hat trick after that :P..Two more teammates got bowled who came immediately after me. Furthermore, a batsman had been out on the first bowl of the same over when I came in. Overall, it was a maiden with four batsmen getting bowled including me. This was the worst collapse I had seen :P...And I was already feeling so bad for getting my first zero this season.. When we went out to the field, we practiced a bit of catching before the start of the second innings. The last catch I took during the practice was a ball that went really high up and although I caught it, it hit my nail of left index finger and the subsequent pain I felt was the worst I could remember in ages. I took the picture of the finger later and the impact was so enormous that I had both sides of the finger turning bluish/black :S...Here is the picture of it, both sides :P..
And when we started fielding, I just sooo wanted pain killers or anything that would just soothe me. And on top, I had done nothing in batting and it made it even worse thinking that I have to stand here fielding for a couple of hours at least. Within the next 5 minutes or so, rain started and it got heavier soon to the point that the play was stopped. We ran to the pavillion waiting for the rain to stop to resume the play. While sitting in the pavillion, I showed my finger to my friend and he suggested putting some ice on it later to help. At that time, I literally longed for ice to give me some comfort. And in the next 5-8 minutes, this is what happens...:D
Yes!!!! There was a hailstorm and in no time, the ground turned from green to white. This was not even forecasted and it was sunny earlier. It was just some patch of clouds doing this. It gave me enough ice to use for my finger and I actually felt wayyy better :D...Guys around were commenting about the awful english weather...An interesting bit I noted then was the selectivity of the hailstorm :P...There was this ground adjacent to ours and it remained green..See the contrast in the next pic...
If you look closely, you can see the adjacent ground which is all green..The white part covered is the ground we played on. This one guy commented that it literally just hailed on our ground!... Anyway, the game was called off and to make it better :P, my finger was feeling alot better by then because of using the ice that was so much in abundant by then :)..
"Well the government and the army do not care for the miseries of these people but why is God not helping them?" This is a question a friend asked me recently who felt very strongly for the internally displaced people of Malakand Division who were forced to leave their homes and belongings in a matter of a few hours. The number of people was way easily past the 1 million mark and the government response reflected either incompetency or lack of care for the miseries of the people or both (in the politest of words I can use).... Coming to the question quoted, as much as I was surprised by the question itself, I actually din't have any answer for it either other than that I just don't know!But its not surprising to see innocent people suffering all around the globe, people who suffer due to policies that they have no say in, people who suffer just because they happen to be born in a certain place or speak a certain language and mostly just because they belong to the poor sections of the scoiety. This is actually a great imbalance in this world. And this imblance is not restricted to the current era nor is it exactly linked to any specific geographical location I believe. These imbalances exist at different levels all across the globe. As I reflected further on this topic, I could see a different level where an amazing balance exists. On this front, the balances and the delicacies I see are overwhelmingly amazing. These are the kind of things we all take for granted (since we have them all the time without any effort of ours and it is human nature not to ponder over the things they have like forever). There is alot I can say on this depending on how long I can sit and reflect. I will just try to mention a few things as they come to my mind now :)... Lets come to the balancing of our ownselves as we walk. It is not a trivial thing to ensure that one is able to adjust his centre of gravity and move with balance with varying speeds (walk/run to his liking) using only two point of contacts (our feet). As kids, our brain grows and so does our skull in perfect harmony. Same is true for the heart and lungs which are protected by our rib cages. Oh and we have 206 bones all joined together which allows us to remain in shape and move as well (from an engineering point of view, this aspect alone is too marvellous). Generally, when a machine has moving parts, you need to lubricate it every now and then to ensure its smooth functioning. Well, in human beings, we also have the lubrication going on at the joints (the synovial fluid) and we are not required to pick up lubricating oil and apply it to our joints etc. Rather, that fluid is manafucatured inside according to needs without the person even aware of it. And that is not the only fluid running in our body. Few of the fluidic systems we have in our bodies each with their unique functions and working in harmony within ourselves and without mixing with one another are: Arterial/Cardiovascular system, Cerebrospinal fluid system, Air pathways and lungs, Renal system, Cochlear system, Corneal system, Lymphatic system and the synovial system I mentioned earlier (I took the list from an introductory slide in a course on biomedical fluids I had last year). And the production/management of all these things do not even require our special attention or anything specific. They are always happening inside us without us being even aware of them. All this requires some raw materials, some energy, some fuel too. All that is abundantly supplied in this world as well which includes food, water and oxygen. And the variety and the tastes make it not a compulsion all the time but itself a desire. Furthermore, the amount of oxygen in air (21%) is quite balanced too given that even a slight excess of oxygen in air significantly increases the combustibility of materials. And without oxygen, human beings can get unconscious in a matter of a few seconds. When a kid is born, he needs protection and support. And there is no way, a child just born can survive in this world without any help. To that end, the parents are generally made such that they love their children more than anything else in the world and generally do their best to provide for the kids they give birth to. If by large, parents din't care for their children, I doubt this world with the human race making it to the present. Thinking about the senses, our ears don't hear just any vibration in the air. There is a certain range of frequencies we are capable of hearing. A greater sensitivity, and we might have been hearing our own heartbeat all the time to the point of annoyance (since our heart just never stops while we are living). Similarly, less sensitivity might have made it difficult for us to communicate. We should be able to see an extra-odrinary balance at play here. Similarly, our body temperatures remain constant regardless of the ambient temperature and we have different sensors and feedback control systems in our body to ensure that constant temperature. Same is true for our blood pressure where we have the walls of the carriers of blood as one of the sensors to ensure that the pressure remains constant. The amount of radiation we get from the sun and the protection mechanism (like the ozone layer) reflects another marvellous design to ponder over. This list can go on and on but I will come to the point of why I said all this. In this world, amazing balances exist which are not in our control and if they were not present, it was just plain impossible for the human beings to have even survived. Those are the kind of things which we are simply incapable of managing and no matter what, we can't change those things. But such things are already taken care of by the very marvellous design and exquisite balance. Having said that, there is a different level where gross imbalances exist as I mentioned in the beginning. Some people in this world seem to get alot without any effort, some people just can't even get the opportunity to do anything. And I mentioned, the recent imbalance right in my own country (and my very own people bordering my hometown where I was born and grew up) caused people to be displaced under no fault of their own. But if we think about it, these are the kind of imbalances which the human beings are capable of sorting out, human beings have been given the power and the capacity to handle such things. If there was no balance of oxygen in the air or no water in this world for us to drink, then we could have sat down and argued that God made this system this way and we just can't do anything. But those issues are already taken care of and we don't even need to bother about those requirements and balances that make it conducive for us to survive here. What we need to take care of and think about are the things we have been given the capacity to handle and the brain to think about and the will to contribute. I will end this post with one last comment made by somebody who said that the problem of malnourishment has more to do with the unjust distribution of food rather than the lack of production of food. And it makes sense to me. I do see alot of food being wasted just because of it being in excess. The human beings have no control over the amount of oxygen in air and therefore, every human being easily gets oxygen without depending on any fellow human being. and so no imbalance exists there. But the human beings are pretty much capable of managing the distribution of food and devising systems so that everybody gets a fair chance and that is where, we see imbalances as well then. Perhaps a test of responsiblity by God on some section of the society and a test of patience on the other section of the society is at play.....
So it turns out that I have a single post for April this year, (which is actually the longest time away from blog since I started this one)...I just hope the April of next year has alot more posts and I don't stay away for long in future like I was this time *hopefully*... I din't have any particular reason for staying away as such...Just a little of different things like laziness, ill-organization, throwing the blogging business way down in my priority list, and far more importantly, because of the following sentence I had written in my previous post.. I took my day off with the hope that I am going to work well (insha'Allah) starting next week following a very systematic strategy to be more organized (which I will outline in my next post hopefully)... Actually, I had a very systematic way of planning, working my way through things and part of it involved drawing up some weekly targets..I had thought that once I spend a successful week (in terms of meeting with my weekly objectives), I will come here and write a post about it...Things actually din't exactly go as were planned (not that it was all that worse but way below than I had hoped for).....Sadly, I promised many friends that I am going to write about it and so far, I haven't :(....(I am not going to give any timeframe now but will insha'Allah write about it in a couple of weeks).. Another small comment I want to make involves my work itself (the Dphil I mean)...Since my work is interdisciplinary, the project I am supposed to work on is in collaboration with a clinical research department (and they are all medical doctors doing research)...Furthermore, during first year of Dphil, students normally start working on things with the aim of defining what they are going to do in the subsequent years and are supposed to write a report at the end of their first year (which should include a final chapter on the future work)..Towards the end of my masters here, I was selected for working on a funded project towards a PhD and it had two different projects under its umbrella (both are related to primary healthcare but one is to do with sick children and the other is to do with hypertension)...When I stated work later last year, one project had been running for quite some time and I started working on a part related to it (which was signal processing and I enjoyed all that work)...A few months later, meetings in the clinical department related to the other project started and as I attended those meetings, I was wondering how would engineering come in the picture. At that time, it wasn't clear to me what I will be doing in future but I had a feeling that I might have to start working on the other project which was supposed to start soon (with pilot studies and later clinical trials etc. ) I had developed affinity with the first project I was working on because I could clearly see engineering and signal processing in it. I wasn't clear about how engineering comes in, in the second project. But those meetings I attended, they were all with the clinical researcher and whenever he would talk to me, I would end up wondering how is it engineering and how is it signal processing....My motivation got kinda lower too since I had in mind that my future work might actually involve working in this project. At that time, I was soo looking forward to a meeting with my own supervisor so that I can be clear on things. Later, I had a meeting with my supervisor and that is when he talked about his idea of the engineeirng challenge in the second project which made it interesting again and alot lot clear. Furthermore, I was told that my PhD will involve work on both projects which will be the two case studies which was very encouraging as it meant that the work I have done will come in handy for my final thesis too...In a nutshell, the meeting was very much needed and it clarified alot of confusions and things seemed way more clear and my motivation was back on track.....:D Anyway, leaving my work bit aside, I talked about going out for some travelling on a weekend. During that time, I went to see two of my little cousins and Sonic asked me about which languages they speak ...:) And that is when I thought of actually making some clips..Here are the two I have where I am speaking to my 7 year old cousin, Linta...
In the first one, well its all english so no need to translate anything....
This is the second video of Linta...There are some parts towards the end where I speak in pushto and so does she..If anybody is intrigued and do not understand, leave me a comment and I will translate...
Anyway that is all for now, more later (soon this time :) )
